Putting My BOOTS ON!

Yesterday was a big day. I led worship Sunday morning with an amazing team at Bartlesville First United Methodist Church. I then stepped in for our youth minister and led youth group that evening with a lesson and worship through song.

In addition, throughout the day I received 150 pictures from Jackie A PACK A MONTH.

She was sharing with me what happened this weekend at Masii Girls Boarding School. Over 20 Priceless Project facilitators gathered for a retreat and facilitated “The Priceless Project” for the 400+ girls of Masii.

One of the girls wrote me a handwritten note. The Masii Girls School has been using The Priceless Project curriculum for 4+ years. She told me,

“Sometimes I get depressed, but finally get comfort from my companion, my ‘Love Thy Selfie’ journal.”

They also had the whole group of students make a video for me. They said, “Masii Girls, Loves Emily!” 400 girls, 9th-12th grade.

One of the biggest and hardest transitions of the last 3 years for me, as my family dynamic changed, has been walking out my calling alone.

Church is so family-centric. We take our families, we might dress up, we sit together, we celebrate family and togetherness. I now sit alone every Sunday.

I sit quietly in my house, sing at my piano, and prepare. I sing in the midnight hours and in the darkness and have no, “That sounds great.” Or no, “Can I ask you how this sounds, or do you think I should do this song?”

I receive messages and texts from around the world. I strategize with leaders, cheer them on, and support them as they bring hope and healing to the girls of their country, and I have to carry it in my heart alone.

Sometimes with tears, with a heart expanding, like a proud mom watching her child grow. Knowing no one ever loves their baby like the one who birthed it. And it is hard to explain that kind of pride and love.

So, like a big girl, I am learning to walk on my own.

If you have followed any of my journey or writing, you know that I am a huge advocate of having a robust community of meaningful friendships and ensuring you have people you are vulnerably doing life with.

Yet I am learning a lesson in this season about trusting my feet.

I recently read some data that said..

People who trust themselves actually don’t make “better” decisions; they just make a decision and move forward. Even if it doesn’t work out, they take life as it comes and keep moving.

People who do not trust themselves will struggle to make a decision; when they do, they second-guess themselves, causing anxiety and confusion. Then, if things don’t work out, they live with regret, shame, and fear.

Notice that no matter the outcome, the battle is all internal.

Life is not going to be predictable or always work in our favor. But we can have internal peace anyway.

So in this new season of my life, I am learning to trust myself and to stand on my own two feet.

I sing and show up every Sunday because it is what I was created to do. I no longer have my family as a security blanket. It is just me, my creator, and my calling.

I have to fight the shame and the stigma of being there by myself and my life being on display on a regular basis, but I keep showing up and standing because I know this is part of my contribution to the world.

I hold The Priceless Project quietly in my heart and loosely in my hands. It can be a lonely road at times. But when my phone rings, and it is Kenya calling, or when I receive a video from 400 girls on the other side of the world, telling me they love me, how can I stop?

How can I not continue to walk this out?

So my dear, if you are alone, if you are a widower, an empty-nester, living in a lonely marriage, single, divorced, maybe feeling you have no friends or support, or if you want to be free from the disease of not trusting yourself. Listen to this from Brené Brown and Maya Angelou.

In Brené Brown’s book “Braving the Wilderness,” she writes about the impact of Maya Angelou’s quote:

“You are free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”

What? To belong nowhere and belong everywhere?

Bill Moyers interviewed Maya and said this:

Moyers: Do you belong anywhere?

Angelou: I haven’t yet

Moyers: Do you belong to anyone?

Angelou: More and more. I mean, I belong to myself. I’m proud of that. I am very concerned about how I look at Maya. I like Maya very much. I like the humor and courage very much. And when I find myself acting in a way that isn’t… that doesn’t please me—then I have to deal with that.”

Emily Jane is learning I belong to myself, and therefore I can walk into any room, into any place, into any environment with shoulders back, head high, because I am confident of who I am and what I am not.

I am learning to combat the shame and the lies with truth. I am learning to strengthen my core, because no one can carry me, walk for me, or stand for me. No one can live my life.

So my dear, today we are going to encourage ourselves; we are going to allow the spirit that dwells inside us to remind us that though we walk this road alone, we are never alone.

Though we belong nowhere, we belong everywhere; though we feel weak, the spirit is strong, and there is a strength beyond ourselves and within ourselves that empowers us to keep walking and to stand on our own two feet.

Today, pull out your favorite boots, put those babies on, and start moving.

It is time to do some boot-scootin’! For “these boots were made for walking, so that’s just what we’ll do.” No matter what road you find yourself on, trust yourself, stand proud, and say thank you to those two feet; they have carried you this far, and the story isn’t over yet.

Keep on scootin.’ I am with you on the journey.

From My Heart To Yours