The Paradox of being HUMAN…

I am reading “Strong Ground” by Dr. Brené Brown, and she begins the book by talking about paradox. And how hard it is for humans at times to hold the tension of paradox.

The brain craves absolutes, yet so much of life is found in the tension of the yes/and. Not the either/or.

“Only the paradox comes anywhere near to comprehending the fullness of life.” In a world defined by spiritual crisis, where we seem to be slicing and dicing our fullness by orphaning pieces of our humanity, the paradox seems more important than ever.” (page 43, Strong Ground, Brené Brown)

I am a product of either/or thinking, and it still causes pain in my life, as I try to unwind myself from harsh, legalist ideas and views of life, love, and God.

I long to be healthy and whole, and the faith I was taught would teach me that means making sure my behavior, thoughts, words, and actions are “perfectly right” – all the time.

Whew- that is super unrealistic and not human.

But in the innards of my heart, there is this unhealthy idea that my “rightness” makes me worthy of love. That by acting “right” and doing things “right”, I am a good human being and a good “Christian.”

What if the road to growth, to health, to wholeness, toward health in your soul, is not rightness, but FULLNESS?

“Father Richard Rohr teaches the “grace paradox”: in almost everything he does and teaches, he always comes back to the loving message that we grow spiritually much more by doing things wrong than by doing everything right.” (page 44)

In 2024, I wrote a blog called “Life is Soooo Bad and SOOOO Good.” In that blog, I wrote about our Good/Bad lives and how in life both things ALWAYS coexist. That they actually hinge on each other. You cannot have one without the other. Here is an excerpt from that blog (link in comments):

“The Good/Bad Split is the ability to not go ALL bad on a person, a situation, or a thing, or to not go ALL Good on a person, a situation, or a thing. They are always both present.

So, for example, when a marriage dissolves, the world wants to go ALL bad on one person or the other. Or it wants to paint a picture of a relationship that was ALL bad. And I can guarantee you, probably 95% of the time, that is just not reality.

There is always love, laughter, fun, goodness, and joy, and there is also pain, frustration, hurt, disappointment, and sadness… both coexist, always.

In our work, with our children, in friendships, with our families, and in our jobs, there is ALWAYS going to be the need to learn how to integrate, how to accept, and how to surrender to the complexity of the good and bad that comes with the waves of life.”

For some reason, I can do this for others so well: I can give grace, I can refrain from going all “bad” on them, I can encourage and coach others in integration, but I am finding I am still so harsh on myself.

I have been looking at this the last few weeks, and wondering what it is in me that struggles so much to allow myself to be good and bad?

Dr. Bene Brown expresses the same struggle and what she has learned from the teachings of Father Richard Rohr.

“The real gift of his teaching for me has been learning how to hold paradox within myself- to love and accept the weird contradictions in me.” (page 46)

WOW-To hold paradox in myself.

One of the honored writers of the Holy Scriptures expressed the same thing.

In Romans 7:15, he expresses: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

He continues to express how there is bad and good, dwelling inside of him, the “Good” that comes from the divine and the “Bad” that comes from being HUMAN.

And we ALL hold BOTH pieces in ourselves.

I want to encourage you, my dear, that we are all HUMAN. As long as we are here on this piece of dirt, we cannot escape the bounds of humanness. Which means, we will daily have good and bad, happy and sad, joy and frustration, anger and grief, love and hate, patience and irritability, judgment and grace, all living inside of us, and this is exactly the way it is supposed to be!

Our beauty, our health, our wholeness, and our growth come through navigating all that we are and all that is inside of us in a holistic way. With the strength to HOLD paradox, with the ability to breathe grace and truth into our own heart and mind, and offer it to others. To encourage each other in our next step, and to offer the message of the Christ to ourselves and others!

“Honored woman, where are those who accuse you?”

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ.”

,

“How great is the love the Father has LAVISHED on us, that we should be called Children of God and that is what we are.”

“Because of his great love for us, God, who is RICH in mercy, made us alive with Christ.”

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing love and kindness.”

My dear, my prayer for you is that you may feel and experience the deep love and acceptance of your creator, and accept yourself and all your parts, and extend that same grace to others. Let’s live out the fullness of our WHOLE lives together! It’s going to be so so Great and sometimes so extremely bad!