Anorexic Happiness…

Should I pursue happiness? Am I happy? It is a question we have all grappled with, and even some spiritual communities look down on happiness and tell us it is not holy and we should not pursue happiness.

And maybe they even get cute with the language and say things like “You need to pursue Joy, not happiness.”

Yet I can guarantee you, we all are pursuing happiness.

Everyone wants to be HAPPY.

I attend a leadership conference annually called the Global Leadership Summit. One of the sessions this last week was a repeat speaker, Dr. Arthur C. Brooks, a Harvard professor who just moved to Vanderbilt.

He has written 16 books on human happiness, meaning, and success. He has studied human happiness for years and shares about his research. I wrote about his session last year in one of my blogs called, “It is Too Easy.” Link in comments.

Dr. Brooks starts out by ensuring that we understand that happiness is NOT a feeling.

Feelings of happiness are evidence that happiness is present. He compares it to the smell of turkey. The smell is evidence of Thanksgiving dinner; it is not the actual dinner.

Through Dr. Brooks’ research, he believes these are the 3 macro-nutrients of happiness:

1. Enjoyment = Pleasure, People, & Memory

2. Satisfaction = Joy from accomplishment with struggle

3. Meaning = Knowing the meaning of your life.

He clarified that if we were to solely pursue pleasure to find happiness, it will only lead to rehab.

He also explained that we can go a long time without enjoyment and satisfaction, but we can’t go 10 minutes without meaning.

As a woman in my 40’s I am watching this in the cohort around me, people who want to be happy and can’t find their way. Or cannot understand why they are not happy? For example, they are married, have a beautiful family, a comfortable home on the cul-de-sac, bills paid, a good job, friends, hobbies, but still depressed, still medicating with “pleasure,” still struggling to find their way.

Why?

It is the timeless truth that we know, yet still get caught in the trap; money cannot buy happiness. Things cannot buy happiness. The corporate job with six figures will not create the happiness we seek.

What does?

As Dr. Brooks laid out, we need all 3 macro-nutrients, and if “meaning” is missing, we will be lost.

Why are you alive? And for what would you give your life?

Can you answer those questions?

Sometimes we might feel like the answer to those questions needs to be grandiose. And for some it might be, and for others it might be simple. There is no right or wrong answer, but it is a question we each need to answer inside ourselves.

Today you might find great meaning in getting up and feeding your children. Or in preparing a presentation for a meeting where you feel you are valued. It might be writing another chapter in your book, creating a new video for a client, helping your neighbor with an errand, or babysitting for a friend. Maybe you wake up to a pet that needs you, and it fills you with purpose.

Whatever it may be, name it, notice it.

If you find yourself feeling perpetually unhappy, it is time to take a closer look at the nutrients in your diet.

Are you getting all three macronutrients in your life? When you look at your life can you find your why?

If you can’t, Dr. Brooks encourages us to use this formula.

1. Use things- don’t love things

2. Love people- don’t use people

3. Worship the divine- don’t worship yourself

My dear, as you pursue these things and as we walk out this formula, on our pilgrimage that is our life, meaning will find YOU.

So put your phone down, go outside, do something that brings you pleasure, consider what you are working for? In what area of your life is there struggle? What are you trying to accomplish?

And sit in the sun or under a tree, take a look around at the amazing world around you, and allow yourself space to consider the deeper questions of your soul, the questions that demand answers, sit with them, name them, and watch as you start to feel happiness again in your bones, in your lungs, maybe even on your face.

I know you want happiness; I do too, and it is within our grasp. We can cultivate it in our lives, one bite and one meal at a time, ensuring we are getting all the nutrients our soul needs. No more anorexia, my dear; I am with you at the table, and dinner is ready!

Let’s eat!

From My Heart to Yours,