“Safe Places” Made Me Want to Barf….

I had resisted the idea of “A Safe Place” for a long time. I thought it was pretty unreasonable in light of a very dangerous, cruel world. The masses are not safe and life is not going to be safe.

As I would hear people advocating for workplaces to be safe and wanting emotional safety, all this rhetoric made me want to barf. I even made a video about the idea that life is not safe called, “Safety or Growth.” 

Then just a few years ago I went to a mental health conference where they taught one day on depression and one day on anxiety.

On day two when they described and talked about anxiety, I had to get up and pace in the back of the room. I realized I had been living in an anxiety-inducing environment for so long and I wanted to be healed, and yet all my efforts kept failing. Why?

That day as they taught about anxiety, they presented a few things that studies have shown have produced the greatest amount of change for those experiencing anxiety and you know what it was…. Telling your story and “A Safe Place.” 

What!? I had resisted this concept for so long, as I thought it was so unrealistic and honestly, I thought it was for the weak. Yet here I was being faced with another perspective and how important “Safe Places” are for healing.

All the pieces started coming together for me.

One of the things we teach in my work in Leadership Development is that for people to grow, they need 3 things…

Grace + Truth /Time = Growth.

We define the terms in this way:

Grace- “A Safe Place. Being fully accepted. Bringing the real me into the light without being rejected”

Truth- “A Honest Place. To be completely known.”

Time- “Space for Grace. Space to take root. Opportunity to mature.”

Two weeks previous to the conference I had made a very very hard decision to change or leave an environment I was in. Up until this point, it did not matter WHAT I did to heal, or to be okay, things didn’t change because my environment was producing so much anxiety in my life. I continued to experience the same symptoms and emotional responses because my body was crying out for a “safe place,” a place I could bring all of me and not be rejected.

Hearing the presentation at the conference was confirmation for me that after years of “trying” and doing all I could, I had made the right decision for me and it was okay that I had emotional needs that my current environment could not meet. And it was okay that I wanted those needs met. And it was time for a new environment and to allow my body, mind, and soul to heal.

I have been significantly blessed because I have an inner circle of friends who have been this “safe place” for me for years.

Over the last year and a half I have experienced heaven on earth and what the “Grace” of God feels like through them. I have experienced all the ingredients I listed above. Grace+Truth/Time.

One day I was sitting at Outpost Coffee with two of my loves and I was sharing my heart and the most recent obstacle I was facing as a single woman.

I began to cry and I said to them, “I feel humiliated like you all have watched me for years and over and over, come with my issues and it feels humiliating.”

Righteous anger rose up in them…

“Humiliating!! You feel humiliated with us?”

How in the world could I insult them in such a way, that I could feel embarrassed in front of them? How could I believe that there is any need for shame with them!? Or even consider entertaining this emotion at this table?

They began to speak “Truth” to me. They talked about the issues they bring to the table and how they want to be able to bring those things to the table knowing this is our “safe space.” At this table there is no such thing as humiliation or shame. No, here “we bring our whole selves into the light and we are not rejected.”

It was such a holy and powerful moment. They showed me how, I never judge them, how I meet them with grace and how would I think they would not do the same for me?

We all need this in our life.

Is every environment going to be safe? No

Is your work environment going to be safe? Probably not

Are all your family environments going to be safe? You are lucky if they are

But is it okay to desire and long for A “safe place”, one space where you can experience being fully accepted, bringing all of you into the light, being fully known, and a place for grace and maturity to bloom? Absolutely, 100%, we NEED it! We all NEED it. You need it to Grow, you need it to Bloom and you need it to Flourish.

This is my desire for you my dear, that you might invest your life in such a way that you help create spaces like this. That there may be a table that you sit at that you get to experience the fullness of what divine grace and truth feels like through PEOPLE. That we become beacons of unconditional love and light to flow through us. And together we heal.

From my heart ♥️ to yours

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