I Can’t Spell…

You know what? I can be really insecure about writing because I am horrible with phonics! I cannot spell to save my life! One of the scariest things in the world for me is to have to read out loud in front of people or to stand at a whiteboard and spell things. So that might be a major setback for someone who loves expressing themselves through words, right?

Now I consider myself a Writer, isn’t this ironic?

My besties’ daughter asked me “How did you write a book?” I told her “You know what, when I was packing to move to my new house, I packed up all my journals. I have journal chronicled ever since I was 10 years old.”  I have been writing a book my whole life. I wrote prayers, thoughts, things I was learning, and I wrote and wrote and wrote, even with really bad spelling! Lol-

I told my friend’s daughter, “So it is a skill, gift, passion I have been working on for 30 years. When you do something like that over and over, it becomes just like breathing.” This is what it feels like to me now.

Her mother chimed in and said, “Emily also reads lots of books, and then she writes about what she is learning or reading about.” Which is true. I once had a friend tell me how this in and of itself is a gift because there are lots of people who don’t have the time to read and yet they get the cliff notes or get to learn because of my passion for reading. I had never thought of this before.

When I look around my house at all the books on my shelves, it blows me away because I loved the idea of reading my whole life, but in my younger life, I struggled so much to read. My struggle even made me believe that I wasn’t smart. I had low comprehension in my reading, I would try to read a book but could never complete it. I never finished a standardized test ever; I was too slow. I knew I had a gift to teach but didn’t think I was smart enough to be a teacher because I struggled with spelling and reading. I thought it disqualified me. I almost let this weakness define me. Almost…

I discovered when I pursued my master’s degree that I am smart! There is a way I see the world, problems, and people, that is unique. I also discovered that when you get to read or study about things you LOVE, somehow it is SOOOOO much easier.

I also realized part of my trouble reading was style. I will never enjoy or be able to dive into textbook-style writing. I have also realized after reading so much, that there are some styles that my brain just can’t follow or that do not pull me in, and I just put it down and say, this one is not for me. There are even a few novels I have tried a few different times to see if my brain was in a different place now, and nope! Not for me.

Isn’t it interesting how some of my greatest insecurities or weaknesses have become some of my greatest contributions?

We are all packaged up differently and we get NO choice in what we are given! These long legs, my chemical makeup or DNA, my dispositions, my strengths and weaknesses, my curly hair, all ingredients placed inside me through my linage, environment, nurture, nature, and a school district that changed their reading strategy when I was in 1^st grade, so I didn’t learn phonics!

I was married to a very brilliant man for 19 years, and he taught me that we all have to learn how to live out our weaknesses beautifully. We all have them, we cannot escape them, so we have to deal with them. We might as well embrace them and make a masterpiece.

So for me to live with these weaknesses, it looks like lots of tools, thank you Grammarly! And the acceptance that even with all my tools, there is still going to be at least one proofing error, ALWAYS!

Like when I wrote a travel story about sitting on the aisle on the plane but instead wrote isle over and over! LOL- I decided it is my signature, an imperfection in every writing and I think it is fitting.

As I strive to live as vulnerably as I can, it is a piece of my humanness, my imperfection; my weakness on display.

My dear, your weaknesses are there just like your strengths and make you perfectly, uniquely you! They allow us to ask for help, to allow others to shine, to realize we are not ALL that, that we all need a little help, to show us our need to say I am sorry and to be right-sized, we are not the center of the universe.  

We ALL have the power to embrace, accept, and beautifully live out every part of who we are, every piece, even the uglier or weaker parts. To walk in all the glory of our humanness.

Today I want you to laugh at one of your weaknesses and say to yourself, “Oops there I go being human again.”  And never succumb to shame, but boldly and brilliantly show every aspect of who you are. Who you are is all you’ve got! Who you are is all you can bring into any place or any space, that is it.

So, let’s learn together the art of beautiful acceptance of every fiber of our beings.

From my heart❤️ to yours