Life is so BAD and So GOOD.

I had just come from singing at a funeral, I was emotionally and mentally exhausted and had some relational drama happening in my life. I called my bestie and said can we go get some comfort food? We went out to eat and she snapped this picture of me at our table. She said, “You look so beautiful, I need to take your picture.” When you look at that picture, you would never know, what my day had entailed.

You jump on Facebook and see all the beautiful, filtered wedding pics, the family portraits in the open fields with just the perfect editing, the new pregnant mom’s perfect photo shoot, or the latest vacation photo dump.

And you know for the most part- we believe it.

We believe that everyone else has a happy life, and their children are happy, and their husband writes them love notes every day and helps with all the things, and her pregnancy was perfect, and “look, she didn’t even gain 10 lbs” and that beautiful vacation. “How do they always have money to get away?”And “how is she always smiling and looking like life is all sunshine and rainbows?”

We actually believe it!

We believe it and then we look at our life, and it is not ALL that, so there must be something wrong with my spouse, my kids, my job, or ME!

We have all been deceived!

LIFE is BAD!!!!!!

And

LIFE is GOOD!!!!

All the time!

There is always good and bad- coexisting. ALL the TIME. Even within the same moments.

In my work in Leadership Development, we teach our leaders about 4 areas that you must grow in to be healthy and flourishing. 1. Boundaries, 2.  Bonding  3. Good/Bad Split

4. Adulthood.

The Good Bad Split is the ability to not go ALL bad on a person, a situation, or a thing or to not go ALL Good on a person, a situation, or a thing. They are always both present.

So, for example, when a marriage dissolves, the world wants to go ALL bad on one person or the other. Or it wants to paint a picture of a relationship that was ALL bad. And I can guarantee you probably 95% of the time, that is just not reality.

There is always love, laughter, fun, goodness, and joy and there is also pain, frustration, hurt, disappointment, and sadness… both coexist, always.

In our work, with our children, in friendships, with our families, and in our jobs, there is ALWAYS going to be the need to learn how to integrate, how to accept, and how to surrender to the complexity of the good and bad that comes with the waves of life.

I read a novel called Transcendent Kingdom by Yaa Gyasi. This book was so fascinating and so real, that I researched several times if it was based on the author’s life, or if it was a true story. What I finally learned was that it is based on research from the doctoral dissertations of one of Yaa’s friends.

She uses the brain research of her friend to inform her writing and it is miraculous.

There is a moment in the book when they are looking at the brain and they discover the place in the brain that houses joy, laughter, and pure utopia. A 10th of a centimeter from that exact spot was utter despair, uncontrollable crying, and sadness. A 10th of a centimeter.

This was so profound to me… it reminded me of how closely these emotions are related. It also made me think about those days when sadness finds its way into our bodies and how happiness is right there, just a 10th of a centimeter away! Right within reach. And we could grab hold of it and pull ourselves a 10^th of a centimeter over and BAM, there is Joy!

So often for those who are experiencing depression, disappointment, or sadness, it seems like joy, happiness, and lightness are so far away. But it is right there… just the tiniest sliver away.

The truth is happiness is found in acceptance. In embracing reality, by not being deceived, and by having clear vision and an awareness of the coexistence of these pieces of life.

We were made to be sad and happy, we were made to be hurt and healed, and we were made to feel love and hate. There is just no such thing as one without the other, even if the pictures and posts want to make you think so.

My dears, it is just not true, don’t believe it, and don’t allow it to lie to you, there is no ALL GOOD and Your life is not ALL BAD. We all are living good/bad lives every day! So my wish for you is lots and lots of joy and lots and lots of sadness because this is true LIFE. There will NEVER, ever be one without the other.

From My Heart to Yours